Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
