Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
