I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
