I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
