I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
