he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
