dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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