I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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