I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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