i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
