you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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