oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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