bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
