I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
