can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize