put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
