i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
