I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
