he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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