When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
