It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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