she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How external is "for external use only"?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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