One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
