Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
where are my eyebrows?
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