I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
