Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
