I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
