fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
