I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
