Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
