I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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