id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i think i just lost a toe
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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