Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
