Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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