I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
