i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
