Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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