His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
