remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
