You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
