it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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