So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
