You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
