mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
