On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
