You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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