My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
