I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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