your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
