I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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