I'm lost and stupid without you.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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