90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
