party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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