just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
