How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
