She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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