hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
