dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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