i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
