Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
