so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
