so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
