I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
