I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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