I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
