trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
