I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Are my feet made of real feet?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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