im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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