i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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