I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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