I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
