Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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