Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
