He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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