What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
